Recently I came across a WhatsApp forward message that was doing the rounds. It was about women, predominantly women in their 40s, how they change emotionally, get more assertive, and unafraid to tread on their own. While I usually rubbish cliches, this one I couldn't help but agree, mostly because it had a resounding echo to my own sentiments. And yes, I indeed feel that women at a certain point do undergo a radical emotional change that is hard to ignore. 40 may be a speculative figure, but personally, I am experiencing it right now, and yes, I'm in my early 40s. So let's give due validation to the sentiment that entering into our 40s is a milestone and every bit worth the celebration and hype around it.
Having said that, you don't really wake up on your 40th birthday feeling any different. So don't earmark that year assuming things will change magically and you'll become a unicorn! But along the way, here are those subliminal changes that mark a woman's entry into the 40s, a phase worth cherishing!
Becoming more 'matter-of-fact'
Men, don't be surprised if your usually soft-spoken spouse starts speaking her mind out, because she's realized that speaking one's mind is a non-negotiable communication skill. She's not seeking anyone's approval but merely stating facts, without sugar-coating them. Besides, too much sugar isn't healthy! So don't wait for those lengthy prologues and beating around the bush, it's all going to be said as it is meant to be.
Accommodate, but not adjust every single time
Again, an element of surprise here! Someone who always stayed at the seams herself, accomodating everyone's needs may not be willing to do it as much as you have gotten used to, all this while. There's something to be said about staying intrinsically happy and healthy first because one cannot pour from an empty jug. Little things like chirpy phone conversations with girlfriends, reading the book until the last chapter, dozing off listening to music, indulging in her favourite cuppa may seem non-negotiables. Perhaps it is beyond time for the rest of her circle to adjust a bit, while she makes the transition from daily adjustments to comfortably accommodating the family including herself!
She needs Comfort, not Advice. Understand the Difference!
I strongly feel families should begin conversations with something like, "Are we only listening or trying to find a solution to a problem?", because most of the time, we are not listening to empathize, we are only listening to dole out a solution to a non-existent problem. By the time, a woman (or anyone) reaches 40, they have a reasonable amount of wisdom and experience to make informed decisions, understand complexities in situations, handle crises with maturity and do a lot more without anyone interfering or hand-holding. So when she's feeling the pits, all she's asking for is your presence and a keen listening ear. Not a brilliant mind to analyze and advise and definitely not an uninterested audience who's looking into their phones while attempting to lend her half an ear!
I really hope this sentiment reaches a lot of spouses and young children of women because I myself know a ton who could benefit from this perspective!
Out-stepping the Coccoon
Well, the sabbatical is over, and rightly so. Drinks-nights, stay-overs with friends, movie nights, coffee breaks, book clubs, fitness regimes, trekking and cycling mornings are all gonna be back with unwavering determination... one blow at a time! It may well help if the family learns to fix breakfast, warm dinners, clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher, handle the laundry while making a mean cup of coffee because you guys are gonna need it! After all these years, as the lady of the house, she's come to understand that none of these errands are life-and-death situations, though they might have figured critically high on the to-do lists until now. The dirty dishes, the unwashed clothes can wait, meals can be easily ordered. But a painstakingly made plan to step out and have some fun time may not be canceled, even at the cost of appearing 'devilishly sassy'!
She's found the elusive middle path for her thoughts and actions
People mostly sway to the left or to the right, but not this one! For most things in life, there's a middle path that consists of balance, a semblance of sanity, and a whole lot of maturity, and that's totally her ball-game. Acceptance is the new cool in her life. Her views, opinions, political inclinations, or religious beliefs are not so lopsided anymore. She's able to see the gray strokes among the black & white and move on. If there's any time in your life to start being comfortable in your own skin, it is most definitely in your 40s!
In fact, a woman in her 40s is one of the best friends to have! Someone who accepts you without judging and trying to change you, because life is not always about rights and wrongs.
She's not dying to blend in
In fact, it's just the opposite. She's earned her stripes the hard way, and there's no way anyone can take that away from her. She's neither craving for adulation nor appreciation. As far as blending in the crowd goes, now's the time to rise and shine and stand out like a peacock! Whether it's her sartorial sense, her choice of entertainment and books, her circle of friends, or things she does in her free time, the vibe is impossible to miss.
There's a lot more, I'm sure, but nothing as damning as these changes. Expect kinder eyes, wider smiles, and caring touches to go with these, because there's hardly anyone who loves stronger than a 40-something woman! Cheers!!
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