That metaphoric 'Seema' in every family

There are no free lunches in life! 

Seema was brought up with the same belief. Today, it so happens that one might find Seema breaking her back making elaborate lunches that some ungrateful person will hog on, without any gratitude, much less appreciation!  But that's life, and you can't always make lemonade out of lemons that life throws at you. And so Seema continues to slog on........

Seema made a choice way back in her 30s to be a stay-at-home mom. Brought up in a family that meted out its due worth to education, her parents let her pursue whatever she wanted to, never once letting it be known that they were not in favor of a successful career where Seema was concerned. Seema on the other hand was brimming with enthusiasm to start her first job as soon as she graduated in English Literature, no mean feat by itself! In fact, like most of us, Seema too placed her parents on a pedestal thinking that they were equally supportive of their son and daughter. While Seema was working at a publishing house, she met Ashwin, the quintessential Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes, the apple of every parents' eyes and the aspiration of every daughter's father! Educated, well-earning with good prospects, well-read(that was a bonus!), calm & composed, and theoretically, a perfect match for Seema. Very soon, wedding bells were in the offing; and Seema was married off into a cozy little nuclear family just designed to show her a piece of heaven!

In her early days, Seema had seen her mom being comfortably settled, churning delicious food and planning day-after-day about keeping the family happy and content. She also saw many other women such as struggling office-going women who had to brace the traffic & twin-balance a demanding boss and an autocratic set of in-laws, the ever-hassled young student who determinedly pursued her studies even post-marriage, only to give it all up after having a child. She also witnessed the unfair gender bias towards women who had to work at the office like there was no home and get back home and slog again like there was no office. Overall, it seemed very daunting, and Seema decided to become a stay-at-home wife, intermittently involving herself in various chores and endeavors like charity, tuitions, community support and the likes.  

Initially, the stay-at-home prospect seemed so much better. Why put yourself through the trouble of being diminished to half your size slogging your back, bending backward just to flaunt your "working woman" status. Was there anything wrong with Seema's decision? Not really. After all, if a person finds their own harmless happiness, that should ideally be enough. But life isn't always so simple, right?

With time, Seema derived her worth from being a great mother, a role model, setting exemplary values in her children. She got pretty far and did well in this endeavor. Everyone whole-heartedly vouched for Seema's ideal family.
As the circle of life goes on,  eventually Seema started feeling rather empty and cheated out of life. It was as if the last 10 years had sucked something vital out of her. She felt like a robot who moves on an automaton, had serious challenges with patience and anger levels, and seemed to wander off to "La-La Land" often on a single, one-way ticket.

Was this a sudden change? What brought this on? It seemed like there was a switch that she could effortlessly flick and get into a happy mode, almost a party mode, all dressy, smiles, and euphoric. But as the day progressed, the switch turned off and Seema was back to the cinders from the ball. The same melancholic feeling, the distancing from others, the need to talk but no urge, she seemed to fist-ball into a foetus and clam into a womb again. 

Seema had forgotten to be assertive. She couldn't stand up for herself, make an argument or even wish to get into one. She watched a lot of women give power-packed speeches, relating the stories of their rise from the pits through messy marriages & abusive families, and deal with monumental life issues head-on. Seema felt intrinsically inspired, but not enough to make any move of her own. In fact, her circumstances were pretty decent. Yet, her spark was gone, the ability to prioritize herself had vanished! Seema had become the spitting image of her mother, unwilling to make that effort to put her perspective across at all. It was as if there was an invisible broom sweeping every matter under the carpet because her mind had been conditioned to deflect arguments and ensure peace within the family. What about the peace inside her head, the peace of mind?

When I read this story, it felt a bit too real to be relegated to fiction. I found myself dwelling upon the impact of 'conditioning' on our life. Superficially, everything seems to fit like the pieces of a jigsaw, making a pretty picture. Deep down, the pieces lie scattered, waiting to be picked, smoothed,.  and carefully fit to make the puzzle complete. A lot many women I personally knew came to my mind that seemed like our Seema. No one wrote their story, above all, not once did I see them wallow in self-pity or lose their marbles like Seema was beginning to. Where did the perseverance come from? What kept them going, despite trading their freedom, sometimes their self-respect, and always, their priority status?

Many questions abound my thoughts as I read through Seema's story. There's a Seema among us, pretty much in every family, who holds the strings together, each day draining a bit more of herself in the process. As women who play many roles, we often make some wrong choices. Or are made to believe so. I think the only thing going in our favour is the power of sisterhood to support our choices. The moms who have their daughters' backs, the maids who take the household reins on those difficult days when we are inundated with work, the boss who gives a day off to a harried mom, the friends who willingly babysit while the lady goes to the spa, it is this force of sisterhood that paves the way for every Seema to break the shackles and live her life without pulling stops. 

Some might say that Seema made the wrong choice of giving up her ambitions to fulfill the demands of her family. But what if that made her happy, what if she was indeed a Domestic Goddess? And don't we know many such women who never stepped out of the domestic threshold ever? Even a seemingly happy homemaker needs a break needs a Plan B on some days and someone to fall back on. From my perspective, if there was anything that Seema chose unwittingly, it was the lack of support circle. Friends, sisters, who could hand-hold her through the grim reality of 24/7 household responsibilities and show her the rainbow in her gray sky. The sad reality of being lonely despite never being alone perhaps got the better of her.

I don't want to dwell on how the story ended, what twists and turns it took as it could get out of context. But my heart is set on all those Seema's that I know of, yearning for a friend.